Handling Abusive Managers
There’s no shortage of stories of toxic work cultures and abusive managers, including the latest one about the Co-Op's executive team. So how do you navigate this if you’re early in your career and worried about your promotion prospects?
You have to know which battles to pick. But abusive and inhumane behaviour should always be confronted as early as possible, either directly or indirectly regardless of the seniority of the perpetrator.
It’s often just a blind spot, misguided intentions, or lack of self-awareness. This is surprisingly common as many managers are managers in name only and have not cultivated leadership skills.
Why?
=> Managers are often under multiple conflicting pressures, balancing targets, deliverables and team dynamics with little time for developing their team.
=> Some have reached a level of seniority where the inevitable next step is management but have not been trained or immersed in leadership culture
=> Some would prefer to be in a specialist role but not at the expense of pay and promotion.
So should you confront the behaviour straight away or after the event?
In a one-to-one situation, immediate is fine but monitor your reaction - if you find yourself in fight or flight mode, in the 'heat of the moment' you may end up regretting what you said and that heat can sometimes endure for days after the event.
Our brain's basic anatomy has evolved little in centuries. Our pre-frontal cortex which is the executive part of our brain has grown over the centuries and is what separates us from other animals. Our ancient limbic system, however, associated with our ‘fight of flight’ response, has evolved little. In our ancestors threats could mean the difference between life and death, but these responses are far less useful in modern life.
Us introverts often take longer to process and articulate a response because we analyse things more deeply. My own rule of thumb is to apply a point system to the level of discomfort from 1 to 10. For every 3 points, wait a day before responding. It's amazing how your perspective can shift between 24 and 72 hours. I wouldn't leave it longer though.
Not confronting these situations can be really unhealthy in the long run as the emotions can bottle up and can lead to over-reactions when released. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't, so best use discretion to decide when and how to confront it.
Face to face is far better than any kind of asynchronous communication as there can be no scope for misinterpretation. email or Teams exchanges can quickly escalate out of control, and any mis-chosen words can be used against you.
On the spot is best in a one-to-one situation provided you have not been overwhelmed by your emotions. Later is best if it happens in a group situation and you do not feel comfortable, or it may not be appropriate to confront this person in front of the group.
Have you have been on the receiving end of abuse and how did you handle it?
